No matter how much we try to perch ourselves upon the successes that we’ve worked so hard to achieve, life sends us episodes of ups and downs. And, no one escapes these roller coaster events. You work really hard to build a successful business only to discover another enterprise has entered the market and undercut your prices and driven down your customer base, leaving you with only enough money for 3 more months of operation. How about finally getting the role in a Hollywood blockbuster movie only to have producers pull the financing at the last minute and you were counting on this job to fund the next year of your life while you wrote your million-dollar script? What about the relationship that you pictured yourself being in through your golden years and she or he just walked out, leaving you devastated, confused and afraid? Then, there was the time you went on vacation, fell in love with the city, went home and sold everything and moved to the other coast, only to get to your new city and nothing works out… no place to live, no dream job, no friends and money is running out… fast!
In an instant, most people move into fear mode and all the negative files in their heads from their early life’s programming begin to play in an endless loop of regrets, shoulda-coulda-wouldas, and what-ifs. They settle into states of anger, regrets and frustrations, instantly blocking their flow of creativity and a solution. They remain stuck in place, never crossing over to the side of success. On the other hand, when successful people experience the same episodes of adversity, in that same second given to others, they choose attitudes of gratitude, curiosity and creativity. In that one simple second, their choosing differently allows the successful person to grow into greater worlds that they imagine for themselves. These people discover dreams bigger than they thought of. Successful people use the following six powerful secrets!
Successful people do not ignore the pain associated with adversity but different from people who fail, they don’t dwell in it. People who choose opportunity in adversity mourn their losses. They incorporate a healthy use of mourning that allows them to move on. For sure, they punch a few pillows, say a few curse words, cry, get mad, get sad and then they practice moments of listening for flashes of creativity and curiosity. People who remain stuck fall into states of what Sigmund Freud called melancholia. They spend their time bemoaning their adverse state. They become psychically stuck! Conversely, successful people go through the process of mourning as many times as they need to while at the same time recognizing the need to practice the other powerful secrets. They do it until they don’t need to.
Another powerful tool that successful people use is the practice of re-naming adversity. They recognize and institute the attitude that life is a matter of dualities. We see these duel forces every day when we awaken and look to the horizon when the light from the sun ushers in a new day and lights up the darkness. Just like the Chinese symbol for yin and yang, which symbolize the dichotomy of cloudy/bright, both co-exist to form a oneness. One side cannot exist without the other. Day does not exist without night. Successful people recognize that by walking towards the dawn, daylight will soon come. In other words, by keeping their attention on the sunny side of life, they will not get stuck in states of helplessness and unknowing. Instead of calling the cloudy state something bad, they re-name the experience powerful states such as opportunity, hope, luck, and gift. In the midst of tough times, successful people get quiet and then ask powerful questions, the next secret.
Successful people ask themselves powerful questions. Most people, when faced with adversity will ask, “Why is this happening to me,” successful people get quiet and ask more profound questions that reveal the deeper gifts of life. They ask questions such, “Where is the love in this?” “Where is the joy?” “What could I have done differently?” “What is the right course now?” Sometimes, they might not even know the right questions to ask, but even then, they will make time and space for deep introspection and the question might be, “What questions do I need to ask to get closer to my dream and desire?” People who succeed find power in what Albert Einstein said. “Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them.” Successful people go deeper because they know the payoff can be huge. For those who ask the lesser questions, like, “Why do things always go wrong…” the universe responds to the level of the question, anger begets anger, competition attracts competition. People who continue to thrive and flow in life ask powerful questions and then listen deeply and intensely. They watch for answers everywhere around them. They listen with their hearts. They make space to pay attention to the nature of their inklings and the senses all around them as the universe is always willing to assist in creating more beauty, more love, more joy, and more solutions.
Successful people continuously study and improve their personal GPS Systems, their Goals, Purpose and Strategies. Just like the GPS on your vehicle, life is filled with detours, modifications and recalibrations. When we miss a turn, the GPS recalculates and re-thinks the best route and sometimes it even asks us to turn around and pay more attention. Along the route of getting to their dreams and visions for their lives, those who have the best maps, get to their destinations with the most ease. People who achieve their dreams understand the importance of knowing why they are here, what brings them the most joy and love, then, they build specific goals that that will drive them closer to their dreams. They create strategies of how they might arrive at their destinations. When adversity arises, just like the GPS on our cars, they recalibrate, redo, re-evaluate and keep going. Sometimes, they even have to start over and rebuild but their dreams matter to them, so they do it.
Successful people rehearse. Once they have discovered all the steps that they might have to take, after they have mourned, re-named their problem, asked the right questions, and scrutinized they personal GPS system, they will then break apart all of their action steps and they will begin to make sure that they can perform all the steps or at least they will have access to people who can perform the tasks necessary to support their unfolding successes. If tap dancing is a part of their overall success as an actor, they will go out and perfect the skill of tapping. If making cold sales calls is a part of their successes, they will learn to make sales pitches until it is no longer a problem. Whatever the skill they need to reinforce, you will find them in the places and circumstances to learn. Successful people the confidence that learning and rehearsing can bring to them in crossing over to success.
Successful people comprehend the reality of the cliché, “Life begins just on the other side of your comfort zone.” They know that they will have to put to test all the visions that they have held in their minds and hearts. Because their dreams are so important to them, they know that they will sometimes have to do “scary” things, things that the small self hates to do! They know that they will have to perform in the world of the unknown. One of my greatest teachers said to me, “The problem with living outside of the box is that the directions are on the outside.” Successful people know that the will enter uncharted territories. They “feel the fear and they do it anyway.” But, with the right rehearsals and practice, they know of the possibility of finding the gold and they go for it and willingly cross over to the land of their successes.
Many people have gone to their graves, locked behind ONE SECOND. They never learned the important skill of changing their minds and to invite in a world of possibilities simply by making a space for creativity and curiosity.
Connect with Djelani at http://www.divineperformance.net